"Tam.....move closer......I think someone has made a right tit of the front left."

HERE AT The Scottish Farmer we are seriously considering bringing our Bertie The Bull mascot out of retirement to take part in an undercover assignment.

The trail of the dairy 'fakers' has gone cold and even the Great Yorkshire Show organisers, who vowed to punish any miscreants, have gone silent on the subject.

Certainly, at AgriScot last week, our investigators could find no evidence of udder tampering, but we did come across odd instances of teat sealing which, seemingly, escaped the notice of the stewards - hence the possible need for an 'uddercover' operation! We have given our old, moth-eaten, Bertie the Bull promotional costume a dust-down in preparation!