I HEAR that some vegetarians and vegans have been complaining about the new plastic five pound note which is now in wide circulation.

The complaint doesn’t centre round the possibility of forgeries – something which unfortunately happens nearly every festive season – but it is all to do with the use of tallow in the production process.

I have a very simple remedy for these people. Please pack all your unwanted fivers into an envelope and address them to The Raider at The SF office. I promise to make them quickly disappear!