THERE appears to have been a pregnancy ‘epidemic’ at NFU Scotland’s HQ at Ingliston.

Alarm bells have been rung when three from the head office team – Kerry Clark, Ruth McClean and Kaitlin Dickson – all recently announcing that they will be heading off on maternity leave in the autumn.

The ‘invasive’ condition has meant that Penny Middleton, the animal health and welfare policy manager, produced this helpful guide for staff on how to avoid ‘infection’

Pregnancy epidemic measures:

1, We have become aware of an epidemic of pregnancy within our office and warn members of staff currently unaffected to be vigilant and take extra biosecurity measures to avoid succumbing to this entirely avoidable condition.

2, Pregnancy is a form of parasitic infection which has lasting serious implications for those infected.

Summary

Something in the NFUS environment appears to be creating a favourable environment for the outbreak.

Staff are urged to remain vigilant and to exercise proper biosecurity measures.

Avoid contact with the opposite sex as much as possible and seek medical advice where contact is unavoidable.

We recommend avoiding the water supply, but take extra care to avoid contact with the opposite sex when using alcohol as a substitute.

Previous infection does not infer immunity from future infection.

For your information:

Pregnancy is a parasitic condition which impacts heavily on the female for the duration of infection.

Whilst it is the female that becomes symptomatic, males are carriers of the disease and are responsible for the spread of infection. They do, however, carry the long-term consequences of the condition.

Symptoms of active infection include tiredness, nausea, weight gain and emotional instability.

In the later stages, you may experience discomfort, frequent need to urinate as well as developing a ‘waddling gait’.

The end stage of infection is marked by a dramatic phase of pain, shouting (and cursing) and pushing, which results in the expulsion of the parasite from the host.

At this final stage there are drugs that you can take to manage the immediate pain but they will do nothing to relieve the lasting implications you will experience post infection.

Infection with pregnancy only lasts for nine months but has a permanent lasting impact on both the male and female thereafter, affecting the quality of sleep and social life, as well as being debilitating to bank balances.

Again, as i say, previous infection does not infer immunity from future infection

Avoiding infection:

It occurs following ‘special’ contact with a male and alcohol has been known to increase the likelihood of infection.

Whilst ‘accidents do happen’ there are steps you can take to avoid being infected. The most effective and recommended, is to revise your biosecurity plans and avoid contact with carrier males.

Virtually all males are potential carriers, although there is an operation available to effectively stop them from passing on infection. Assume that all males are carriers, unless you have evidence to the contrary.

There are precautions that can be taken, should contact be unavoidable, although you should be aware that these vary in effectiveness.

With the current epidemic within NFUS we can’t rule out an environmental influence making staff more susceptible to infection so as a precaution we recommend avoiding drinking the water, and don’t borrow each other’s chairs.

In avoiding the water supply, we recommend drinking bottled or canned products – prosecco, gin, wine and beer are all worthy substitutes, but remember alcohol can also increase. Avoid contact with the opposite sex if adopting this substitute.

That is all!

Footnote: NFUS’ communications manager, Bob Carruth, added: “Personally, I have put down some clean straw, doused it liberally with sheep dip and established a 3km exclusion zone – that seems to have done the trick.”