Putting the burn in spate ...


IT'S been a trying time for those out on the road wishing to spend a penny as most of the communal toilets have been closed.

So we must all feel Robert Hendrie's pain when the well-known cattle dealer, from Galston, was driving to Campbeltown during the Covid-lockdown and required a 'pit stop', but due to the closure of the conveniences he had to drive a long way before he spotted a garage that was open and shot in.

Whilst filling up with fuel, he asked the wee wumman who was serving him if he could use her toilet – but because of restrictions she couldn’t allow him to use it. However, she could tell the way he was hopping from one foot to the other like a 'heftit' milk cow that he was in great distress, so she suggested he nip round the back of the garage as there was a burn there.

The story goes that Robert belted round to there but made the big mistake of going to close to the edge of the burn and as a result got laired in the glaur and couldn't get himself out. He had as a result to bawl and shout for help, but the rescuers who came were unable to reach him for fear of joining him in the mire.

We're not quite sure whether to believe the end part of the story that the Fire Brigade was summoned to extract him from the mire!

Getting stuck in

MORE tales of being stuck!

The Raider understands that John Buchanan, Pretts Mill, Sandilands, Lanark, has been so taken with his shiny new Massey Ferguson tractor, that when he was out baling hay recently, his wife Elizabeth was summoned to see how wonderful a job it was making powering the old baler.

Only trouble was that the keys for the house were lost in this short visit to the hay field. This necessitated invention by the Buchanans and, unfortunately the only window found open was one on the top floor. It wasn't a big window and so some of the neighbours were treated to the sight of John half way in, but important parts of his anatomy hanging half way out of the window.

There is no truth to the rumour that an application of goose grease was necessary to effect a full entry!

Cleaning services

IT WAS almost like a reminder from a scene from towering inferno recently on a Kilwinning farm.

Picture the scene, Andy and Betty Wilson, of Cairn View Simmental cattle fame, were readying their caravan for sale. Unable to wash the roof himself, due to an attachment to terra firma, Andy enlisted Betty's help to clean the top by lashing her securely to the bucket on the front loader (maybe like that scene from Moby Dick?), so that she could get the steam cleaner going.

You can't keep a good pensioner down! The upshot of it all is, clean caravan for sale ... mainly used during Royal Highland Show week.