NO ONE could have written the script for 2020. It was a surreal year in many ways.

So what do we face this year ... and can we write our own script? Probably not – but that won't stop many of us trying, so here's The SF's list of wants for 2021:

JAN: An outbreak of brown rot in Dutch seed potatoes means that EU officials finally find a protocol to allow Scottish seed spuds back into Europe with the highest possible health status. Socially distanced parties are held from the Borders to Caithness.

FEB: Farmers queue for hours to get into Stirling Bull Sales – with a free Covid-19 vaccination jab on the way in as the big draw.

MARCH: Lambing gets underway in 20° heat and sunshine. This back-end's 400,000gns Texel is born.

APRIL: Cure found for all sheep ills. A one-shot jab for every known cause of death in sheep is launched ... on April 1! A Dr Johnes and Professor MV Acc are behind the move, with help from doctors A Braxy and FIT Roat.

MAY: Potential record-breaking Texel lamb dies in water trough during heatwave ... while it's mother hangs herself on a gate just for pure badness. Neptune, out of Lucky Lady and by Costa Fortune, lived up to its name.

JUNE: Health passports are needed to get into the Royal Highland Show – and not just for the animals. Entry can only be gained by high health status farmers who have completed a double vaccination for Covid-19. Allan Laidlaw denied entry as he was too young to get the vaccine.

JULY: Great Yorkshire Show to become the Royal Great Yorkshire, though some people are upset as it might mean they will be forced to behave themselves!

AUG/SEPT: Scotland breaks the world wheat record with a 19.752 tonnes per ha yield off an un-named farm near St Andrews. The farmer, a Mr G Milne says he only scattered a few seeds to rear some pheasants ... 'but, like Topsy, it grew ...' encouraged, no doubt, by copious amounts of sheep s..t.

SEPT: Records fell at the resumption of the famous Kelso Ram Sales. Flockowners, overcome with emulsion after being allowed into a beer tent again, turned into fighting cocks in the ring to get the best sheep. Even a Roussin made £10,000. Texel record broken, though owner said he had a better one that drowned in a trough in the spring ...

OCT: Harvest weather so good that Claas reports a drop in sales of tracked machines for the first time in a decade. Scotland's first crop of rice fails in the heat, farmer/grower takes a major paddy ....

NOV: Dairy farmers report weather so good that they still have cows outside grazing on grade one grass. A Mr R Wilson, from Chateau Douglas, said the cows had never looked better – at least on his view cam in Barbados.

DEC: The Royal Smithfield Show is to go ahead in London again, this time at Olympia. Prime Minister Boris Johnston said this would be a major boost to the economy by returning Basic Farm Payments from whence they came ...