SOME gullible fools believe that Christmas is the season of good cheer.
As if.
It’s actually the season of good “Cheers!” A time of epicurean bonhomie, as friends and family clink whisky tumblers, wine glasses, and those kitsch little cups that hold gluhwein.
Crimbo is also when turkeys stop gobbling (RIP, little fellas), and humans start gobbling – at industrial levels.
This being the season of glutinous guzzling and gleeful tippling, there can be no better Christmas gift for a loved one than Scottish food or drink, or possibly both.
Here’s our pick of the most scrumptious treats on offer …
Tobermory Scottish Whisky Handmade Fudge
THE problem with whisky is that after you’ve sipped one or two glasses of the stuff, the world starts to behave a tad … strangely.
Anyone attempting to pour their fifth or sixth (or seventh or eighth) glass, may discover that some devilish rascal has swapped their tumbler for a toaty wee glass that appears to be wibbling and wobbling in their hand, meaning that the amber liquor gushing forth from the whisky bottle ends up splashing on the rug.
How to avoid such an indignity? Instead of enjoying whisky in its untrustworthy liquid form, eat it as slabs of wholesome fudge, instead.
Tobermory Whisky Fudge is the ideal present for anyone who adores the hard stuff and the soft stuff, and it comes in a nifty presentation tin.
Champagne & Orange Smoked Salmon
WHEN it comes to posh nosh, nothing is posher or noshier than Scottish smoked salmon.
Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. There is something which, believe it or not, has oodles more ooh-la-la. Champagne & orange smoked salmon from St James Smokehouse, a Dumfries and Galloway family-run business.
This salmon is so swish that you shouldn’t even be reading about it unless you’re wearing a top hat, monocle, spats or crinoline dress – possibly even all of those dandified accoutrements, at once.
If you’re dressed more casually, off you pop, and change. We’ll be right here, waiting patiently, until you return …
Ready? OK, then we’ll proceed.
This truly is the finest of fishy dishes. Crafted in the burgh of Annan, this quality smoked salmon is hand-cured, smoked over smouldering oak wood chips. And, of course, it’s infused with the tart tang of champagne and orange zest, for the most indulgent of flavours.
Bar Humbug
THERE are only two things that journalists really enjoy – a wee tipple, and devising outlandish puns. Luckily both can be indulged with this linguistically astute gift-pack containing six small bottles of whisky, which is to be found in Glasgow’s Whisky Shop in Buchanan Galleries.
Even all you non-hacks out there will enjoy this playful gift with the playful name, which includes blended and single malt whiskies from Scotland’s finest distilleries.
12 Days of Christmas tin
CRIMBO amateurs only indulge in a food-binge on December 25. But any true Defender of the Faith will inform you that there are, in fact, 12 days of Christmas, so you really should be munching merrily for the entirety of that period.
Gardiners are among Scotland’s finest handmade confectionary specialists, and they produce a 12 Days of Christmas tin, which contains vanilla fudge and buttered toffees.
The tin itself is a work of art, with a pretty festive scene painted on the lid. Best of all, it stands as a constant reminder that the overindulgence doesn’t end after the King’s TV message. That’s merely the postprandial preamble …
https://gardiners-scotland.co.uk
Stornoway Black Pudding
JOHN Lennon was based in New York in the 1970s, and unfortunately couldn’t return to Blighty because of issues regarding obtaining his desired US citizenship. During this period, a UK journalist asked what he missed most about his native land.
One key item on Lennon’s list of yearnings was black pudding. And why not? It truly is a lumpy luxury to tease the tastebuds.
Though, of course, the best black pud is Scottish, especially Stornoway Black Pudding, which can be purchased in a pretty gift box. And you don’t even have to be exiled in the Big Apple to enjoy it.
https://stornowayblackpudding.co.uk
Quirky Chocolate
ALL families and friendship groups include at least one vegan; it’s obligatory. If you’re not sure who the vegan amongst you is, ram a fresh turnip into a Geiger Counter, hold it next to each of your relatives and pals, and listen closely. When the machine bleeps, you know you’ve found the person you’re after.
(You could always just ask everyone if they happen to be vegan, of course. But where’s the fun in that?)
Nowadays there are some very slick festive edibles in the vegan range, including the Christmas Chocolate Gift Box from Edinburgh’s Quirky Chocolate. Each box is elegantly wrapped and holds six choccy bars. Flavours include peppermint crunch, espresso dark chocolate and hazelnut harvest.
The chocolate is handmade in-house by Quirky chocolatiers, who constantly strive for perfection, and hardly ever take a sly nibble of their fiendishly tasty creations.
Scottish Tablet Company
FEW things are more triumphantly Caledonian than the sweetmeat known as tablet. The only thing that might even come close, in terms of hardcore Scottishness, would be Billy Connolly wearing a tartan bathrobe while straddling a set of bagpipes and munching a whisky-drenched haggis.
As it’s doubtful that Mr Connolly would agree to participate in the above tableau, we’re stuck with tablet.
Which is no bad thing, for it’s pretty darned tasty.
The Scottish Tablet Company hand-make their sweets using a family recipe and the best fresh ingredients, and you can buy it in natty giftboxes for that perfect festive touch.
www.scottishtabletcompany.co.uk
Fine Scottish Hampers
WHAT gift do you get for the person who has everything? Easy. Buy them the same stuff they’ve already got, only packaged in an elegant Christmas hamper. The Scotland in a Box Hamper includes everything Caledonian you could possibly desire, except, perhaps, a life-size model of Ben Nevis, which sadly isn’t squeezed into the box. Though you will find whisky, venison, smoked salmon and haggis.
IJ Mellis Christmas Hamper
ANOTHER excellent hamper. This one’s stuffed with goodies produced by Scottish cheesemonger IJ Mellis, and includes a festive selection of artisan cheeses, such as their latest concoction, Torta Cremosa, plus the classic Potted Stilton. It arrives in a decorative box and includes accompaniments to build the perfect cheeseboard. Though be warned. Keep this gift away from ravenous mice wielding knives and forks …
John Lewis Christmas Shortbread Selection
PREVIOUSLY in this article we mentioned that few things are more Scottish than tablet. Such words constitute fighting talk in the close-knit shortbread community, who believe that theirs is the only truly Scottish delicacy.
To discover who’s right, get hold of the John Lewis Christmas Shortbread Selection, including flavours such as spiced gingerbread, cranberry & orange, and mince pie. Made by a family-owned Scottish business.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here